Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Can I Do This?


If I’m honest, I ask myself this question several times a day.



The topic may vary, but the question is still the same.



Can I Do This?



The majority of the time it is my self doubt about being a good mother creeping in.



Can I be a good mother to THREE boys?



Can I provide them with all they need from me, each and every day?



Daddy knows how to make the right car sounds.  I was schooled in this when Big T was only 18 months old and said “NO mommy a car goes VRRRRRRRRRR….NOT vroom vroom.”



Daddy knows how to make different sounds for a single prop or a dual prop plane, and even a helicopter.  Seriously, did they take boys aside during school and teach them this stuff??



Daddy?  Well, daddy is just a big BOY.  And at certain ages that trumps mommy in the fun department.



Can I Do This?



Can I keep my own volume down when the only thing that gets their attention is when I have to scream OVER their voices (which by the way breaks the sound barrier)?



Can I be a firm hand and a safe place at the same time?



Can I find a common ground with them when they want to play army and all I want to do is color with them (a beautiful unicorn with rainbows would be nice…but it’s not about me)?



Can I relate to and understand them when they are going through “boy things”?



Sure, I play football, and baseball, and soccer (I’ll have you know, I’m known as the soccer master in this house….a very big honor).



I try my best to play Star Wars.  However, I’m always a Battle Droid.  Can’t I at least be Princess Leia?  Just once? 



I wrestle with them and I’m the best Tickle Monster that ever lived.  Not to mention The Belly Button Eater.  Which is a name I had to give myself just so I could kiss their sweet tummies?



But….



Can I Do This?



There are going to be SO many hurdles that they encounter that I won’t be able to relate to.  So many things that they will say “Mom, you just don’t understand” to…and they will be right.  I won’t understand, because I’ve never been there.



There is so much uncertainty that lies ahead.



Can I Do This?



The truth? 



I don’t know.


I don’t know if I will always say or do the right thing.  I don’t know if I will always understand.  I don’t know if what I say gets through to them or not.



But what I DO know?



I love them more than the breath I breathe. 



I love them no matter what they do.



And I love them for all that they are.



Even if that means that all I can do for the day is make sure that they are fed, cleaned, and they know that they are loved beyond measure.



For now, That Is Enough.  And I have time to figure it all out as it comes.



Do you ever ask the question Can I Do This?



39 comments:

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I have one child and I ask myself that question all the time. Particularly when he's testing my patience :) You've done it so far, I say, yes, yes you can do it.

Heather said...

Of course you can do it because you HAVE to do it. And as mothers we don't have the option to give up.

Even though my oldest is a girl she still claims that I don't understand ANYTHING. And I suck at doing hair so that immediately makes me not a good girl mommmy.

It seems like your good more than out weigh your "bad"

Jessica @ My Simply Complicated said...

I think you CAN do it!

While you may not be able to relate to every BOY thing they go through, like you said, you love them unconditionally and fiercely. There's nothing more a child can ask for from their mother!

April said...

I ask myself this question often, too. Being a mom to one boy is hard enough, but mom to 3? Down right scary at times. But you defintely CAN do it. :)
(twitter - April_momof3)

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I question myself all the time in the motherhood department. It's sounds to me that you are the best type of mother and I think that giving kids that unconditional love is one of the most important things a mom can do.

Shell said...

I try to focus on the love part. B/c I suck at a lot of this mothering gig.

Kristy said...

Yes, I do ask myself that. Usually, my answer is that Yes, I can do it sometimes or most of the time. Other times, it's ok to just survive.

Kir said...

My email subscriptions pays off with the first post. OMG I am sobbing...and nodding my head and thinking "is she in my head?" ...this was gorgeous and honest and so relatable. I wonder al the time..when you wrote "mom you don't understand" ...and I realized that I won't either it hurt like a kick to my tummy. Thank you for sharing this. I am so glad I am a !boy mom" in the world next to u my friend. Xox

Julie said...

But don't you see?

You are doing it already.

You ARE.

Hooray, Mama!

And hugs, too. Hooray and hugs.

Always.

Christine Siracusa said...

As you well know, I ask myself this question every. day. Particularly with my son because, as you say here, I don't have the truck noise gene or the Star Wars gene. It's work. To stay in their increasingly boy-ish worlds is work. So...I feel ya.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Alison,

I'm definitely going through a testing patience phase with all three of them. Thank you for your support!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Heather,

You are so right. The alternative isn't an option.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Jessica,

Thank you so much! I just hope they know and feel the love on a daily basis!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

April,

It is scary at time. Challenging as well. But it can be so full of fun and adventure.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Grumpy Grateful Mom,

Thank you so very much for the compliment! The love is what matters the most!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Shell,

I hear you! The love is what matters. I suck at mothering as well. At least we can keep each other company!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Kristy,

You are so right. I have to allow myself a survival day or two!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Oh Kir,

You honor me with such an amazing compliment. Thank you so very much!

I'm so very glad to be on this journey with you. I've always said that there is safety in numbers!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Julie,

Awww thank you so much!! You are too kind my friend!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Christine,

It's just so hard to wrap my brain around sometimes. All the boy stuff, and the boy world. I want to connect on this kind of level, but sometimes it's just so hard!

Jamie said...

Um, I ask it. A lot. I think the fact that we even ask means we can!

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

I think every mom asks herself these questions, whether she has boys or not. But these boys are yours because God knows your the best and only mom for them. You can do it--you already are.

Kimberly said...

I think we all feel this way, at least at one time or another. Know that you're doing a great job. They love you and you love them, with all your hearts. You ARE enough.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Jamie,

There is a lot of truth to that. If we didn't care, we wouldn't be asking!!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Rach,

Thank you so much. If I sit and think about it too much the thought of all that responsibility can get so overwhelming. I just have each day as it comes, and hope they know that no matter what happens. I love them.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Kimberly,

Thank you.

It's so hard not to fall into the trap of self doubt. Even harder to climb out sometimes. But tomorrow is a new day!

Optimistic Mom said...

I think we all do this at some point during the day. I remember one day when my son got upset and ran to dad to report that I was playing a game all wrong. I felt bad, I didn't know the "boy" stuff that dad knew. But there is so much other stuff that I do know and I have to remember that.
And yes, we can do it.

Missy said...

I ask myself that A LOT and I'm a GIRL who has two GIRLS!

I think it's a normal question to ask - it's a mother's question. Somehow I don't think dads would ask it the same way.

Elena said...

That is all definitely enough. More than enough! I go through the same thing with having all boys - and a "big boy" husband as well. Daddy is always more fun & the more sought after play time companion. I bribe them with yummy treats. ;)

MamaMash said...

No need to be the dad! Be the mom! The one they come to for comfort. It's ok for dad to be the playtime buddy.

Chunky Mama said...

Lovely post.

For me, the daily (hourly) question is not "Can I Do This?" It's "Am I Doing The Right Thing?"

Bridget said...

Yes. You can. You can because you love them and that's all they really need in the end.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Optimistic Mom,

It is so hard not to compare a bit. But you're right, we have to remember that we do some awesome stuff too!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Missy,

I'm sure you're right. It is a mother's question. We put so much on our shoulders don't we?

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Elena,

I better go stock the pantry with more yummy treats! :)

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

MamaMash,

But the dad gets to do a ton of fun things with the boys and the mom gets to do the dicipline during the days. They do come to me all the time for comfort though.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Chunky Mama,

Thank you!

OH that is another question I ask all the time. *sigh* This motherhood gig is hard work!

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Bridget,

Thank you! I hope at some point they realize that as well!

Virginia said...

You CAN do this!

And yes, I ask that question roughly every hour. :)

(I came here from Just Be Enough.)